I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
