I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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