shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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