Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
