He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
