The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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