fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
