Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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