I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
