OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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