Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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