Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
