Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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