Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
