I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So vagazzling was a success
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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