I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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