dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize