You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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