I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
