remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
