Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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