Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just tell him i said nine months
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
