The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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