It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
