im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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