The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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