i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
