i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You can't special order awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
