Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
