Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
