The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
