I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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