I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
