its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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