if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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