Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
