I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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