Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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