I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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