he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
