I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
