just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
