There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
