I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
