I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just googled if crying burns calories
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
