So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
