why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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