I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
