is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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