does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
