having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
