He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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