When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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