i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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