Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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