Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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