Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
