I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
