I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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