Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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