yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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