don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need moral support for this bender
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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