You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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