Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
