Screwed.edu
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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