I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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