Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
