i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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