How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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