I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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