5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My life is pants optional.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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