i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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