i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
