I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
