Your mouth is God's brothel.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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