New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
