I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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